As a parent, you likely notice when a child reacts impetuously: throwing things when angry, screaming for attention, or hitting when overwhelmed. While frustrating, it’s vital to teach appropriate self-control tactics to help kids better regulate emotions and stress. Normalizing these reactions can lead to worse impulsive behaviors as they mature.
What Is Impulse Control and Why Does It Matter?
Impulse control refers to behaviors that help us “think before reacting”. In kids, it manifests as no tantrums in public, politely waiting for food, not hitting or yelling when angry, and learning to share. When children learn impulse control tactics, they better regulate emotions, prioritize wants/needs, have healthy future relationships, and experience social competence, emotional intelligence, less stress, academic success, and more. Fortunately, impulse control is a learned skill, so it’s possible to model and reinforce thoughtful, controlled reactions to ensure kids reflect on their actions’ consequences.
9 Impulse Control Approaches for Children
1. Label Emotions
You can’t teach impulse control without teaching kids about feelings. A child who feels jealous might steal a toy. An angry child might push a friend. But communicating emotions could prevent such reactions. Use flashcards and movements to demonstrate common emotions like anger, joy, fear, sadness, worry, surprise, jealousy, and excitement. Discuss the difference between feelings and behavior. “It’s okay to feel sad, but not okay to hit your brother.” When visibly upset, ask “How do you feel?” and “Why?”. This encourages emotional regulation and resilience.
2. Encourage Movement
Like adults, kids need an outlet to release energy. Offer several activities to reinforce healthy behaviors, allowing them to engage their mind-body connection for better mood, self-esteem, and attention. When upset, after discussing their emotions, suggest movements to cope, like running, tag, ball games, or the playground.
3. Model Healthy Reactions
Kids adopt what they see, hear, and experience. Use this opportunity to ensure you model impulse control. Children can easily mimic behaviors they see you demonstrate, believing them appropriate for handling emotions. So when angry, speak aloud, “I am angry because…”. Then breathe deeply to self-regulate. Seeing you thoughtfully work through stress rather than react will provide a healthy example.
4. Teach Mindfulness
Help kids self-regulate through mindfulness. After labeling their emotions, demonstrate specific centering techniques. Teach breathing exercises for anxiety like dragon breathing – inhaling imagined “blue calm” energy and exhaling visualized “red anger”. Mindfulness activities like calm-down jars also help self-soothe. These self-regulation tactics prevent poor reactions.
5. Impart Problem-Solving Skills
Problem-solving activities are excellent impulse control tactics because they demonstrate multiple solutions besides hasty reactions. If a child worries over a test, work through the emotions and brainstorm ideas to solve the problem. Also, revisit past impulsive reactions to increase awareness. Explore questions like:
- Why did I behave that way?
- What was I feeling?
- How did I affect others?
- What are alternate reactions?
6. Enforce Routines
Like adults, kids thrive on predictability and consistency. Visual schedules provide security and reduce chaos key for developing self-restraint. Condition children when certain activities are expected through steady routines rather than negotiating over taking baths or doing homework.
7. Outline Expectations
Establish clear rules, explain your reasoning, and detail the consequences for violations. Structure and defined guidelines make it easier for children to control impulses. Remember to act consistently regarding rules and outcomes rather than sporadically, which can confuse expectations.
8. Praise Desirable Behavior
While maintaining limits is crucial, also highlight good behavior with descriptive praise so children know exactly what they did correctly. For example, “It’s so kind and generous that you shared your cookie with your sister.” Genuine, detailed praise effectively promotes positive conduct.
9. Play Games
Remember classic games like “Red Light, Green Light” and “Simon Says” that subtly teach self-restraint? Even Jenga promotes self-control, awareness, and discipline. Introduce these nostalgic games to ingeniously instill impulse control abilities.
Though instilling self-control can be challenging, these tactics can nurture this pivotal skill. However, if struggles persist, a child may have an underlying issue warranting an evaluation by a mental health professional.